The build-up to Brazil '14 starts here!

It's so unfair. If the linesman had awarded us a goal, and if we hadn't conceded another 2 and if we hadn't been comprehensively outplayed by a better side and if the manager had selected a squad of fit players and if he'd played them in their proper positions, we might have won the World Cup. (We probably wouldn't have, though)

Scilly

We have just got back from here. Beautiful, isn't it?

Her Majesty

A bit late, but what does that matter, eh?

Friday 28th May was The Queen's Birthday, and as a pampered and over-paid public servant, I, along with my colleagues across Whitehall, got the day off.

But the day was no holiday. Oh no. I am proud to announce that I achieved the following

• Got paint mixed. Can now paint bedrooms and lounge. Didn't actually paint but it's a start
• Got some wood delivered. Can now mend outside step. Didn't actually mend step but you get the picture
• Had a plumber round to discuss replacing the boiler. He didn't actually replace the boiler
• Took the dry-cleaning in. Hopefully the dry-cleaner is more focused on delivery than I am
• Bought a Network Railcard. 33% of most journeys!
  
• Went to Cambridge and got pissed at Beer festival. Now that is what I call achieving your objectives.